Torn
by MoriasDepths
Summary: In the midst of the Battle of Hogwarts, Marian Nott is forced to decide which side she stands on. 'Lost' universe.


I own everything. Err...I meant, I DON'T own anything.

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The hall was brightly lit and the heavy stone walls helped to muffle sounds from outside the room, but she could still hear the explosions. Noise originating from within would have drowned them out, but everyone sat silently. Even the Ravenclaw boy, Cristoff, with his penchant for jokes, was still. Marian Nott sat motionless on the hassock she had claimed and wished for sound.

Dennis Creevey was pacing the floor with the relentlessness of the lion that was the emblem of his house. Fully half of the children packing the hall were watching him, thankful of the excuse not to dwell on their own thoughts. A particularly loud crashing sounded, provoking screams from several of the younger students. Some of the fourth years, and a few of the more mature third years quickly began moving through the room, trying to calm their younger compatriots.

Marian watched them, wishing she could help, but couldn't. It just wasn't the Slytherin thing to do. She wondered absently if Griffindor Tower still stood. It would have been the first target of the army of the Death Eaters outside Hogwarts.

Somewhere out there, the Dark Lord and Harry Potter dueled, or more likely, the two were fighting their respective ways through the chaos in an attempt to fulfil their fates. Somewhere out there, her father fought so that the Dark Lord's ideals would not fall into disregard. Somewhere out there, her traitor brother fought so that his wife and son would not live under the reign of the Dark Lord. Somehow, she found she couldn't bring herself to wish that he would die, as she had the night Benjamin Nott had declared Theodore to no longer be any son of his.

Marian hadn't earned the right to be known as a child of the Nott bloodline by being a romantic. If the Dark Lord won, then there would be a bloodbath as he removed all traces of mudblood corruption from the wizarding world. Many of the children now she sat with would die or be enslaved. It was a shock to realize that she was quietly wishing it didn't have to happen. Her gaze focused on a Hufflepuff Mudblood who was clinging anxiously to her older brother.

There was a crack, as if of lighting, drawing all eyes towards the ceiling. As the echos failed, Creevey whirled, his stance suddenly purposeful. "That's it! I'm going out there."

A Griffindor girl gasped and protested. "Dennis! Professor McGonagal said..."

The boy cut her off. "Professor McGonagal said that fourth years and below weren't allowed on the battlefield because we didn't know enough spells to keep ourselves alive, right?"

"Well, she phrased it a little differently, but..."

"Anyway, we're agreed that that was the gist of it. However, I'm not planning on going out there to fight."

He had the attention of the entire room now. The girl hesitated. "Then, what..."

"Madam Pomphrey's in the infirmary healing the wounded. Well, most of them are lying on the battlefield where she can't get at them. So I'm going to go get my broom and I'm going to start hauling people in."

There was a momentary silence, and then a Ravenclaw third-year stood. "I'm with you. I'm sick of waiting!"

People started rising all over the hall. Dennis stood slack-jawed for a moment, then pulled himself together. "Erm...ok. Um, I don't want anybody below twelve on their brooms."

A protest arose, and he quickly waved his arms to silence it. "First off, you're not big enough to pick someone up yet, and I happen to know that the Lightening Charm isn't taught until third year. Secondly, you can still help. We're going to need some people manning the doors and taking the people we bring in up to the infirmary. Got it? Ok."

"Um...let's see. We're going to need some fast brooms. If you know of someone fifth-year or above who has one, go get it. I don't care if you don't have permission. It might well be that his or her own broom saves their life. Those of you who aren't really good at broom-riding, please, help the others get the wounded up to Madam Pomphrey. Or better yet, any of you who know how to use a Shielding Charm could help strengthen the defenses of a rider."

The room was buzzing with a sudden purpose. Marian shrank into herself. As a fourth year, she would be expected to help. Glancing around, she noticed that she wasn't the only Slytherin still sitting. All of them were casting uneasy looks at one another, as if hoping someone else would act first.

She relaxed slightly, then stiffened as a Griffindor gave her a look of contempt as he walked past. She glared right back. Did he truly expect her to give comfort to the enemy?

'But is that the real reason?' Marian tried desperately to ignore the familiar sly voice in the back of her mind. It wasn't working. 'You've already been hoping Voldemort will lose.'

"No!" she whispered fiercely to herself. "No, that's not true."

'Isn't it? Are you sure you're not hesitating because you're afraid?'

Marian froze, her mind whirling in denial. Her eyes flickered to the mass of students milling near the doors. She couldn't help but notice that quite a few of them looked terrified. And yet, they were going out there anyway. Her brother's face seemed to float in the air before her, as he hadlooked the night he had been disowned. There had been defiance and fear in his expression, yes. But also a grim joy as he had turned his back on his father and walked away to start a life truly his own. She found herself envying him.

Marian hadn't realized that she was standing until she saw the shocked faces staring at her. Dennis Creevey in particular was studying her. "What do you think you're doing, Nott?"

She felt curiously light, knowing quite well the consequences of her choice. The adrenalin raced through her veins. It felt strangely good.

"I'm helping, Creevey. What does it look like?"

Behind her, she could hear the shocked gasps of her housemates. Before her, she saw the stunned expressions of the other houses. A fey joy had seized her, and she let opened herself to it for the first time in her life.

"I'm strong, more so than I look. Also, I know where Draco Malfoy keeps his Nimbus 2001. I bet I could get a lot of people to the castle doors."

Dennis stared at her for a long moment, then nodded. "All right. Be careful out there. You know how to cast a Lightening Charm?"

Laughter bubbled up inside her. "Probably better than you do." She walked past him towards the doors.

Behind her, she heard a rustling, then the sound of someone standing. A boy's voice called out. "I'll help, if you'll have me."

Someone else. "Me, too."

"And me."

From the sounds of things, she'd better grab all of the brooms she could find. Marian walked through the doors of the Great Hall and started jogging in the direction of the Slytherin dormitories. The sounds of destruction from outside were louder than ever, but the tension inside of her was gone in a blaze of utter exultion. For the first time, she knew what it was to be alive.


End file.
